MINNEAPOLIS, MN – In a financial maneuver that has left economists in awe and welfare officials utterly baffled, the family of George Floyd recently listed a mere $1,900 in total assets on a welfare application—despite having received over $50 million in settlements, donations, and book deals.
According to sources close to the family, this bold accounting strategy is inspired by none other than billionaire tax-avoidance expert Elon Musk. After following Musk’s well-documented philosophy of appearing “broke on paper” to minimize obligations, the Floyd family was reportedly “shocked and delighted” to learn they qualified for various assistance programs.
“It’s all about leveraging the system, just like the billionaires do,” said a family representative, casually sipping a latte reportedly purchased with a taxpayer-funded EBT card. “If Elon Musk can be worth $200 billion but somehow pay $0 in federal income tax some years, why should we be expected to play by different rules?”
How They Got Their Net Worth Down to $1,900
According to the financial breakdown submitted to social services, the Floyd family’s listed assets include:
- $56 in a checking account (to ensure they “keep it humble”)
- One used microwave (estimated value: $32)
- A 2003 Toyota Corolla, technically owned by a Delaware-based LLC
- Three scratch-off tickets (unclaimed winnings pending)
Noticeably absent from the application were any references to the tens of millions of dollars the family has received from wrongful death settlements, high-profile donations, and lucrative speaking engagements. Experts believe that these funds have been creatively “redistributed” into offshore trusts, non-taxable assets, and a newly formed nonprofit organization titled “Justice, But Make It Tax-Deductible.”
“We’re simply following the best tax strategies available,” the family’s accountant, who previously worked for Amazon, explained. “If Jeff Bezos can pay a lower tax rate than his warehouse employees, why should we leave money on the table?”
Social Services Responds
State welfare officials, struggling to contain their laughter, admitted that they were unsure how to proceed with the application.
“On one hand, it’s obviously nonsense,” said a caseworker who requested anonymity. “On the other, they technically meet the financial criteria. We can’t just deny someone for being too good at tax loopholes. That’s un-American.”
Meanwhile, billionaire Elon Musk himself has reportedly retweeted the Floyd family’s financial strategy, calling it “an absolute masterclass” in wealth preservation. “I respect the hustle,” Musk posted. “They’re proving that you don’t need to be born into wealth to exploit the system—you just need good lawyers and a little imagination.”
The Floyd Family’s Future Plans
With newfound access to government benefits, sources say the family is already eyeing additional programs, including subsidized housing, student loan forgiveness, and possibly even a small business grant to start a “philanthropy consulting” firm.
At press time, the IRS had announced plans to audit a single mother in Ohio for incorrectly claiming a $600 child tax credit, while the Floyd family was seen enjoying a private jet ride to their “Financial Justice Retreat” in the Cayman Islands.
